Some small people and their parents sat down behind me to watch Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, after I had already settled in. As they sat, they discussed their seating arrangements and their Milk Duds, rather vociferously. Then they whapped me in the head with the arms of their coats.

I thought about relocating, but decided against it. I wasn't feeling as anal-retentive about viewing conditions for this movie as I usually do, and I thought it might be interesting to see what they thought of the film. After all, I reflected, I'm probably not Ace's target demographic. It seemed only fair to sit near someone who was.

The children were about 5, 8, and 11 years old, respectively. The 5-year-old started crying about half way through, and had to go collect herself in the lobby. The 8-year-old sang along with the Rolling Stones' "Gimme Shelter" during one of the previews, and was mostly bewildered by Mr. Carrey, though she laughed at the more obvious visual gags. The 11-year-old seemed to hold herself above all of Mr. Carrey's scatological inanity.

The parents scarcely stopped laughing through the whole film.

All rightee, then....

I actually made it to the movie theater early on a recent outing; usually I sit down during the coming attractions. So as a service to other habitual late arrivals, I thought I'd report some of the more interesting nuggets of the pre-show On-Screen Entertainment.

For the full effect, you'll have to dim the lights, find a bad radio station to listen to, and wait about 10 seconds between nuggets.

• On Aug. 8, 1928, the film Don Juan was shown in Vitaphone Sound. Whatever that is.
• Oscar Mayer hotdogs are now for sale in the lobby. (Note that this is a re-creation. Depending on your location and the current time of day, hotdogs may or may not be on sale right now in your local movie theater lobby.)
• Sylvester Stallone actually wrote Rocky -- the whole screenplay! Ostensibly, all by himself!
• Fresh popcorn!
• The shower scene in Psycho utilized 70 different cameras. (Also, in case you don't already know this, the blood going down the drain was chocolate sauce, and the knifing sound was made with a watermelon.)
• Olympic gold-medal-winning gymnast Mitch Gaylord was Chris O'Donnell's stunt double in Batman Forever. (Clint Eastwood does his own stunts.)
• Edward Everett Horton (who was mentioned in the On-Screen Entertainment only in passing) had a supporting role in nearly every Fred-&-Ginger movie they made. He's a little better-looking than Fred Astaire, about whom an auditioner once jotted, "Funny-looking fellow, can't act, dances a little."
• Cold drinks!
• Demi Moore's high school yearbook photo looks an awful lot like Kristy McNichol.
• In the 1920s ushers were trained in flashlight etiquette.
• And finally, Vivien Leigh's Gone With the Wind dress sold at auction for $33, 350.

It's amazing what you can learn in a movie theater.